Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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