I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
