She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
