I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize