My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
