Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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