Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
