Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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