five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
