She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize