Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
