Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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