I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
