Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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