Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
