just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dick very happy bro
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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