are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
