This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You can't special order awesome
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
