Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
