So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
smell my finger.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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