If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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