I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My vagina is officially offended.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
