My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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