The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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