what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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