Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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