Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
