I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
