As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize