just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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