a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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