so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
