like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
