the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
