he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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