Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
