So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
