i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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