Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
