Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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