it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
