Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He did a backflip because drugs
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
