Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
