I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
