Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
