I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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