last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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