guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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