roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
