I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
