i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
