Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
