Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
