I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
