i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
