The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
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