Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish i was in the wii world.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
