You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
