My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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