wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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