She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize