I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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