Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
