Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
