I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
