He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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