dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
