Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
