??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
